Random

Good morning...., I was reading a book I bought from bookstore yesterday, and it was really inspiring. I just realize how bad I am as a mother, I didn't raise him in a good way. Always authoritative, always play as powerful boss and never be friends with him. His actually adorable kid, smart, active (nearly hyper :D) and maybe this side of him which always driving me nuts.

The book was opening my point of view about kids. Yeah in my defense, I practically raising Zaza by myself, his father doesn't help much and no help from any member of our family since we live far away from our family. As a working mother I didn't success to play both role equally. I always come home tired, and every time I get home I just always want to take a rest, watching TV without a disturbance from Zaza. While his auntie who accompany him along the day doesn't take my position as a mother of course, Oh...G.......I really regret it. He's my only son and if I didn't raise him well I'm the one who should be blamed the most..........

My dear Zaza, from today, mommy will promise you to be better. Mommy will act as your friend, mother and the place you'll feel safe. Forgive for all mommy's fault and we'll start a brand new better day.......(^_^)

This was Zaza's writing from his last few days in kindergarten. I never appreciate his works and yet always demanding him to be whatever I want....:(( sorry dear.....

Now Zaza already an elementary student. I enrolled him to elementary school near our house. But I don't feel very pleased about the school. I want him to study in a certain school which close to our old address but it's too far from our home now and since I'm working the drop and pick up thing would be a great problem. I don't really trust other people (for example the school bus/car) Zaza has never been gone somewhere without our supervision. And it would be difficult to check his condition with me leaving for work. My first impression about the teachers on Zaza's school was really bad. They all extremely not friendly (hopefully its just my impression :D) especially when its compared to Zaza's kindergarten teacher which mostly a friendly and kind people. I hope it's just my feeling and they're actually nice :D

Kekecewaan Saya Terhadap Aa Gym

Kemarin saya mendengar berita putusan sidang cerai seorang dai kondang seantero nusantara KH. Abdullah Gymnastiar yang lebih dikenal dengan sebutan Aa Gym yang menceraikan istri tuanya H. Ninih Mutmainnah atau biasa dikenal dengan Teh Ninih. Saya ini bukan apa-apa mereka dan kisah hidup beliau-beliau ini juga tidak akan memiliki pengaruh langsung pada kehidupan pribadi saya, tapi kok hati saya ikutan tersakiti, kok batin saya ikut berteriak bahwa ini ketidakadilan, dada saya ikutan nyesek....(ah lebay....!!) hahahhaha

Saya ini bukanlah penggemar fanatik Aa Gym, dan juga bukan orang yang membenci beliau. Saya hanya salah satu dari sekian ribu/juta umat yang merasa kecewa dengan keputusan Aa. Namun sekali lagi saya tidak punya hak untuk menghakimi, namun boleh dong saya mengutarakan keberatan dan kekecewaan saya.....???

Saya teramat sangat menyayangkan percerain mereka. Sungguh kecewa dengan keputusan Aa berpoligami yang katanya dengan niat tulus agar Teh Ninih lebih dekat kepada Allah dan mendapat jaminan Surga, owh.....sugary words......so sweet......tapi tetep aja akhirnya membunuh (membunuh rasa cinta, membunuh rasa keadilan, menyakiti hati seorang perempuan mulia yang hampir seperempat abad mendampinginya dalam suka dan duka, mendampingi ketika Aa bukan siapa-siapa dan ketika Aa berada di puncak ketenaran dan kemakmuran akhirnya dicampakkan demi istri baru yang lebih cantik, lebih montok, lebih sexy yang bisa memperbaiki keturunan.....??? (ini beneran komen si aa waktu anaknya sama istri mudanya lahir, ada kok buktinya di TV) teganya....teganya....teganya...........:getok:

Terlepas dari segala excuse yang melandasi perceraian itu, pihak Aa berargumen bahwa rumah tangga mereka sudah tidak ada lagi kecocokan, perbedaan prinsip berdakwah, dan satu lagi alasan yang bakalan membuat wanita-wanita naik pitam "Teh Ninih tidak lagi membesarkan anak-anak dengan hati" WTF...........kam to the pret dagh............

Dulu seneng mendengarkan ceramah-ceramah aa baik di TV, radio, pernah sekali pula ikut pengajian live di Masjid Baiturrahman Semarang, itu saya tempuh jalan kaki malam2 berhujan-hujan ria......rasanya menyejukkan mendengar kata-kata beliau yang bikin adem hati. Tapi sekarang kata-kata beliau tidak lagi menyejukkan malah bikin saya sewot. Jujur saya sangat anti poligami, meskipun poligami di halalkan dalam Agama yang saya anut, saya sangat tidak menyukainya.

Sekarang terbukti bahwa poligami yang dilakukan aa gym gatot alias gagal total, tapi kok ya kenapa yang diceraikan malah Teh Ninih........??? itu yang tidak saya mengerti. Maksud hati menyelamatkan janda dengan 3 anak (sekarang dah nambah 1 anak dengan aa) kok malah menjadikan istri sendiri janda dengan tujuh anak..............saya benar-benar ingin memaki, melempar sendal, melampiaskan kemarahan saya. (tapi cuman ngayal doang, tidak mungkin lah saya berani melakukan dalam kenyataan).

Masih banyak yang ingin saya utarakan tapi dada saya kok sesek, pengen nangis dolo..............

I'm pretty bored right now, not much to do at work. Bored with the game and not much to talk to in the forum, Facebook or Twitter :p

I want to write a story, but I think I'm kinda lost the gift of writing skills hahahhaha.........:D I had some short story collections back then when I'm in college, but I feel some kinda hard in imagining something. Maybe coz I'm too old now....? lost my feeling of romance, doesn't feel in love......dry from romanticism :gubrak:

I adore Korean Writer (who wrote a drama script) I think they're genius. They don't have that much history as we do. But they're good in twisting their History (from some "Saeguk" drama), they wrote in many different angles yet it's still looks you know......fine and enjoyable. Why then Indonesian writer can't do that........the drama is full of crap....junk.....something that really doesn't make a sense.

Korean Drama not always that good either, sometimes the storyline isn't that perfect. But why it's still get me hooked.......??? I don't know. Maybe just because they're looks good physically? hahahhaha Indonesian people isn't that bad, so many beautiful and handsome artist too, why I still hate that "Sinetron".....???

Frankly I don't hate the artist........, I hate the story (some might be good at first) but I'll lost my interest after some episodes because I know the story will end up like other "sinetron" the never ending story, the story twist which doesn't make any sense any more. It's like walking in a giant maze and got lost in the middle.........

Sometime, I dream of being a great writer like JK. Rowling........she invent the great story that affect most of children in the world......they practically grow up with Harry Potter......
I was late in falling in love to Harry Potter, I was starting to be a Harry Potter fan when the 4th book was published. It's just because I read the novel my cousin bought and I borrowed it. It's gets me hooked ever since. It's like you're drowning in other world. Not that Harry Potter make me believe that there are real sorcerers in this world, but how wonderfully she create a story that great, so the wizardry world seems to be so real..........???

My high school teacher was wrote a historical story too, but seems the blog has been deleted, is the story already been published or what?

It's raining outside now, will go the bank but pending the plan. don't want to get wet........I don't have a car so it's kind a hard riding in the rain.....:D

............

Theme for today is "blue". My mood seems in turbulence, feeling so sad for just a little thing, feeling miserably uncontrollable and my chest seems ready to explode.

People said, don't write in public media when you're angry, sad or disappointed since what might comes are a bad words which sometimes can hurt, either hurting others or hurting yourself. But today I just want to write something to release some burden in my heart.

Sometimes I'm feeling so lonely in this world, that no one cares for what I feel. People will always consider me like a superwoman, supermom, wonderwoman, whatever........But that's not exactly true. Sometimes I missed being just an ordinary girl, who has a vulnerable and weak side, I'm not always as strong as it seems. This kind a problem was already there, sitting on the corner of my heart long time ago. I'm always the one who took care of everything and every problem in my family. My husband doesn't seems to give a dim concern about anything. He only know how to work, earn money, give all the money to me and I handle the rest. Yeah....was it something good, part of it. I know he's a good man, but I just need a little help in running this family, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm sick and no one to replace my role. In any condition I had to deal with everything. GOD I'm really exhausted..............

I want my husband to be someone I can count on when I'm not ready to fight, I need someone stronger that can protect me. I should not the one who always step on the first every time we face a problem. Sometimes I need someone to be the shield for me, where I can hide when I'm afraid.......

Huft.....this blues feeling maybe related to PMS syndrome, it's close to the ETA of the monthly visitor, hahahah but yeah....this kind a thing, this kind a problem always be my biggest problem with my hubby. I was complaining a lot, but as we can't change peoples behavior I tried to accept it. Only that sometimes it still feels hurt. What a life.........this is the life I chosen years ago, no need to feel sorry.......

I need to cry..........now......

I'm Upset Today.........

This last two days became a disaster of the week. PLN was cutting of my electricity so I have no power at home. It's not because I forget to pay the bill or else, on the ticket they're leaving at the meter box, says rules violation. I'm aware of it, since the meter should be only 900 volt but the developer make it to a bigger volt. And there are 8 other peoples who connect and get the power from that meter box. I personally didn't agree about it but, the condition of the electricity was already like that when I bought the house.

I was deceived, I really regret why I don't find much more information about that house before decided to buy it. I was too hurry, I wish I know it first I will never bought that house. But now everything is just too late to be sorry or regret. I don't like the developer, he's a really a bad man, cheating people and make a fortune from others lack of knowledge and information. I will pray to God so he won't get a peaceful life, I know a lot of people living on the complex hated him too.

Park Hae Jin (My New Obsession....:D)

Hehehe.....having an obsession on Korean actor is kind a routine for me....:p like them whenever any drama got me stuck. And come he is, Park Hae Jin. His role as Shin Myung Hoon in East of Eden just captured my heart....here the babes.....(^_^)

Name : 박해진 / Park Hae Jin
Birthday : 1 May 1983
(the Date just exactly same with my son's....... amazing)
I'll celebrate his birthday too next May 1 :D
Height : 185 cm
Weight : 72 kg
Star Sign : Taurus
(same with me......^_^)


TV Series

• Hot Blood (KBS2, 2009)
• East of Eden (MBC, 2008)
• By Land and Sky (KBS1, 2007)
• Famous Princesses (KBS2, 2006)

Movies

• The Rhythm of Chopsticks (2010)
• Marrying the Mafia II (2005)
• A Promise (1998)

Recognitions

• 2008 Asia Model Festival Awards: Popular Male Star Award
• 2008 MBC Drama Awards: Best New Actor Award (East of Eden)
• 2007 KBS Drama Awards: Best Couple Award with Han Hyo Joo (By Land and Sky)
• 2007 43rd Baeksang Arts Awards: Best New Actor Award (Famous Princesses)
• 2006 KBS Drama Awards: Best New Actor Award (Famous Princesses)
• 2006 KBS Drama Awards: Best Couple Award with Lee Tae Ran (Famous Princesses)

(Credit to wiki d-addict)

The following are the Profile of Hae Jin on Nate and Cywolrd Personal Page, but since it's in Korea, it's pretty hard to understand as my Korean is just on a beginner stage....:p

• Profile (nate)
• Cyworld Personal Page

Last news about Hae Jin is he starting his debut as a singer in Japan this February and he got accused to abide the mandatory military service due to the exemption of him on 2004 which stated he's not healthy enough to serve the Military.

But whatever happen I still believe in you Hae Jin ssi.......fighting................!!! ( ^_^)

Closed Account and Moved

Okay finally today is coming. This the due date for my planned saving at a certain bank. After having cases of different balance between the book and bank computer record which annoyed me enough, I've decided to closed all accounts on that bank. I have several planned saving on that bank and all having a same trouble.

Since today one of my planned saving is due, I can withdraw all the money without penalty. So be it, I took all my money and closed the account. Good bye...I hope the new bank I've chosen is better in service and more profitable.

I'll put the money on Reksadana Investment program. And start controlling my investment. That education saving program is just not good enough, definitely not profitable.

Another Trip to Ambalat

Yesterday, my family was going to Ambalat beach again. I wished to get the beautiful scenery, quiet beach just like last time. This was my hubby's first time and second for Zaza and me. But we're just very disappointed with the beach condition yesterday. It's just not as quiet as before, so many people gathered on the beach, seems like from "vespa" organization. And the sea was in subsided condition (surut). Didn't took the picture of the crowd but it's quite a lot of people and making the beach is not as comfy as the first time I went to that beach.

I think this was the location where "Mbak Tata" took a picture for landscape photograph some time ago.

Disappointed face hahahahhaha :D

Zaza was always happy playing, never care where ever he is

Me, pose every time camera was facing me :p

See, the beach just don't look as beautiful as my old picture of this beach. It's look like a dried lake or some sort of desert island :D Need to find more interesting place to visit next time.

Facebook and Twitter

hahahhhaa......the social media.....I was getting involved with the social media lately, it's kind a fun. I used to have a Friendster account but never open it again these days, Facebook is far more interesting than Friendster. And now come Twitter.......

I don't remember when the first time I made a Facebook account, but I'm getting hooked up. Found a lot of my old friends on it, it's fun to finally see each other even if it's only on the internet, but seeing our friend's life going it's really good. Sharing news, photos, just like we have met again.

And Twitter, actually I made the account few months ago, in the last year. But still having a shock culture since I mostly using Facebook. But Twitter is kind a interesting too. It's more up to date, I think I'm getting hooked with this too.....:p See ya in Facebook and Twitter.......^_*

My Experience with NII

These days, brain washing, lost people and NII become a major discussion in all Indonesian Media. And what is actually an organization called NII (or so called Negara Islam Indonesia)? I have no idea about it. But it brought me back to remember an incident way back when I was in college 11-12 years ago, don't really remember the exact time since that's not a very pleasant memory to remember.

I was a new student at the university in Semarang. I met a girl in a famous book store near my board house, so we get acquaintance and she asked me to study together (religious thing or we called it "mengaji" in Bahasa Indonesia). I don't really remember her name, I thought it was Novi. So then we met again some days later after our first met. She came with another girl older, pretty face, wearing veil too just same as we were. I was feeling weird since usually what we called as "pengajian" the participants will be some group of people, but at that time, there were only 3 of us. Me, my new friend and the preacher "Ustadzah".

So then that day, at a small mosque (Musholla) at my campus, the three of us gathering at the corner "mengaji". The theme was God and Truth, well I'm not a very religious girl but still I have a strong background of religion, I don't have any question on my relation with God, I was a Muslim since I was born, I think I know and understand my religion pretty well. The preacher was emphasizing on only God (Allah SWT) and Al Qur'an is the real truth and we have to live based and hold on it only. She said that all my prayers and good deeds so far was useless, since I was living in Indonesia, a country where the Ideology is not Islam. And we should leave the country or "Hijrah" if we want all our prayers and good deeds to be acknowledged by Allah. We had to move to somewhere where people can't see us but we still be able to see others. Ffiiiuuuhh........that's kind a hard for me.

I grew up with enough religion basic and also a good nationality concept. I grew up spending most of my younger time with boys & girls scout or we called it "Pramuka" here. So I think my life is in balance. I'm not a fragile girl who still look for who exactly I'm in this world. No one can steer me or force a view/concept/ideology to me. I was giving a lot of question to the preacher that day, hahahha she must be thinking this girl is really difficult :p

So we bid a goodbye after we finished the "pengajian", Novi was coming with me to my board house and I discussed with her about what we just had done. I said to her, I don't like it. I don't like the way they discredit Indonesia, the ideology of our country, I think nothing's wrong with Indonesia's ideology. But Novi seems to be a bit confused, well definitely she didn't has a strong personality like me.

Our second meeting is getting more strange. I suggest maybe we can go to some mosque or something but the preacher said in my room is enough. I feels like getting involved in a secret mission hahahahhaha........we're secretly meet, discussed something in a low voices, okay I had enough with it. So after the meeting I frankly said to Novi, "sorry I want to stop this, if you still want to follow this "pengajian" go ahead, just don't ask me to join, ok?" Novi was just like always, look confuse, don't know what to do, part of her she agree with me, part of her agree with the preacher.

I was trying to leave the group, but Novi was keep calling me and asked me to join her. A lot of excuses I've been using that time, having Karate practise, spending time at my hometown, but she didn't stop annoying me. So then I granted her will to accompany her for the last time. She came to my board house with a boy (new preacher), whoa.......that's pretty interesting hahahaha :D

The boy was quite handsome, not wearing the usual outfit for a Muslim preacher, but he looks pretty well dressed. Just like a cool guy but just not that impressive for me. I'm not a girl who easily falling for a boy, so then we met at the living room of my board house. The discussion were pretty much the same with the first and I hate it. It against my principal of life and I really
don't want to continue that silly brainwashing treatment.

That is my last meeting with the group, I'm pretty sure they're trying to recruit me in many ways but it just failed, I'm not that easy. Novi still keep calling me everytime and I always make an excuse, a lot of excuse.....:D The silly one, the good one any excuses ever came to my mind. And after 3 months I strangled with the calling and excuses, she seems finally given up. And we never meet again until today......

With the major discussion about NII organization these days, I think people who tried to recruit me way back then was this NII. But the recent case a lost women was found back in mental shock condition with a certain look, wearing a "burqa" what I've experienced was not exactly the same. People who tried to brought me "Hijrah" was not that kind of extreme people wearing middle east style outfit. They're practically same as common Indonesian people, not the exclusive one. They're blended in the society so it's hard to differentiate those people from common people. But maybe the formula now and then is different, no idea.