Random

Good morning...., I was reading a book I bought from bookstore yesterday, and it was really inspiring. I just realize how bad I am as a mother, I didn't raise him in a good way. Always authoritative, always play as powerful boss and never be friends with him. His actually adorable kid, smart, active (nearly hyper :D) and maybe this side of him which always driving me nuts.

The book was opening my point of view about kids. Yeah in my defense, I practically raising Zaza by myself, his father doesn't help much and no help from any member of our family since we live far away from our family. As a working mother I didn't success to play both role equally. I always come home tired, and every time I get home I just always want to take a rest, watching TV without a disturbance from Zaza. While his auntie who accompany him along the day doesn't take my position as a mother of course, Oh...G.......I really regret it. He's my only son and if I didn't raise him well I'm the one who should be blamed the most..........

My dear Zaza, from today, mommy will promise you to be better. Mommy will act as your friend, mother and the place you'll feel safe. Forgive for all mommy's fault and we'll start a brand new better day.......(^_^)

This was Zaza's writing from his last few days in kindergarten. I never appreciate his works and yet always demanding him to be whatever I want....:(( sorry dear.....

Now Zaza already an elementary student. I enrolled him to elementary school near our house. But I don't feel very pleased about the school. I want him to study in a certain school which close to our old address but it's too far from our home now and since I'm working the drop and pick up thing would be a great problem. I don't really trust other people (for example the school bus/car) Zaza has never been gone somewhere without our supervision. And it would be difficult to check his condition with me leaving for work. My first impression about the teachers on Zaza's school was really bad. They all extremely not friendly (hopefully its just my impression :D) especially when its compared to Zaza's kindergarten teacher which mostly a friendly and kind people. I hope it's just my feeling and they're actually nice :D

Kekecewaan Saya Terhadap Aa Gym

Kemarin saya mendengar berita putusan sidang cerai seorang dai kondang seantero nusantara KH. Abdullah Gymnastiar yang lebih dikenal dengan sebutan Aa Gym yang menceraikan istri tuanya H. Ninih Mutmainnah atau biasa dikenal dengan Teh Ninih. Saya ini bukan apa-apa mereka dan kisah hidup beliau-beliau ini juga tidak akan memiliki pengaruh langsung pada kehidupan pribadi saya, tapi kok hati saya ikutan tersakiti, kok batin saya ikut berteriak bahwa ini ketidakadilan, dada saya ikutan nyesek....(ah lebay....!!) hahahhaha

Saya ini bukanlah penggemar fanatik Aa Gym, dan juga bukan orang yang membenci beliau. Saya hanya salah satu dari sekian ribu/juta umat yang merasa kecewa dengan keputusan Aa. Namun sekali lagi saya tidak punya hak untuk menghakimi, namun boleh dong saya mengutarakan keberatan dan kekecewaan saya.....???

Saya teramat sangat menyayangkan percerain mereka. Sungguh kecewa dengan keputusan Aa berpoligami yang katanya dengan niat tulus agar Teh Ninih lebih dekat kepada Allah dan mendapat jaminan Surga, owh.....sugary words......so sweet......tapi tetep aja akhirnya membunuh (membunuh rasa cinta, membunuh rasa keadilan, menyakiti hati seorang perempuan mulia yang hampir seperempat abad mendampinginya dalam suka dan duka, mendampingi ketika Aa bukan siapa-siapa dan ketika Aa berada di puncak ketenaran dan kemakmuran akhirnya dicampakkan demi istri baru yang lebih cantik, lebih montok, lebih sexy yang bisa memperbaiki keturunan.....??? (ini beneran komen si aa waktu anaknya sama istri mudanya lahir, ada kok buktinya di TV) teganya....teganya....teganya...........:getok:

Terlepas dari segala excuse yang melandasi perceraian itu, pihak Aa berargumen bahwa rumah tangga mereka sudah tidak ada lagi kecocokan, perbedaan prinsip berdakwah, dan satu lagi alasan yang bakalan membuat wanita-wanita naik pitam "Teh Ninih tidak lagi membesarkan anak-anak dengan hati" WTF...........kam to the pret dagh............

Dulu seneng mendengarkan ceramah-ceramah aa baik di TV, radio, pernah sekali pula ikut pengajian live di Masjid Baiturrahman Semarang, itu saya tempuh jalan kaki malam2 berhujan-hujan ria......rasanya menyejukkan mendengar kata-kata beliau yang bikin adem hati. Tapi sekarang kata-kata beliau tidak lagi menyejukkan malah bikin saya sewot. Jujur saya sangat anti poligami, meskipun poligami di halalkan dalam Agama yang saya anut, saya sangat tidak menyukainya.

Sekarang terbukti bahwa poligami yang dilakukan aa gym gatot alias gagal total, tapi kok ya kenapa yang diceraikan malah Teh Ninih........??? itu yang tidak saya mengerti. Maksud hati menyelamatkan janda dengan 3 anak (sekarang dah nambah 1 anak dengan aa) kok malah menjadikan istri sendiri janda dengan tujuh anak..............saya benar-benar ingin memaki, melempar sendal, melampiaskan kemarahan saya. (tapi cuman ngayal doang, tidak mungkin lah saya berani melakukan dalam kenyataan).

Masih banyak yang ingin saya utarakan tapi dada saya kok sesek, pengen nangis dolo..............

I'm pretty bored right now, not much to do at work. Bored with the game and not much to talk to in the forum, Facebook or Twitter :p

I want to write a story, but I think I'm kinda lost the gift of writing skills hahahhaha.........:D I had some short story collections back then when I'm in college, but I feel some kinda hard in imagining something. Maybe coz I'm too old now....? lost my feeling of romance, doesn't feel in love......dry from romanticism :gubrak:

I adore Korean Writer (who wrote a drama script) I think they're genius. They don't have that much history as we do. But they're good in twisting their History (from some "Saeguk" drama), they wrote in many different angles yet it's still looks you know......fine and enjoyable. Why then Indonesian writer can't do that........the drama is full of crap....junk.....something that really doesn't make a sense.

Korean Drama not always that good either, sometimes the storyline isn't that perfect. But why it's still get me hooked.......??? I don't know. Maybe just because they're looks good physically? hahahhaha Indonesian people isn't that bad, so many beautiful and handsome artist too, why I still hate that "Sinetron".....???

Frankly I don't hate the artist........, I hate the story (some might be good at first) but I'll lost my interest after some episodes because I know the story will end up like other "sinetron" the never ending story, the story twist which doesn't make any sense any more. It's like walking in a giant maze and got lost in the middle.........

Sometime, I dream of being a great writer like JK. Rowling........she invent the great story that affect most of children in the world......they practically grow up with Harry Potter......
I was late in falling in love to Harry Potter, I was starting to be a Harry Potter fan when the 4th book was published. It's just because I read the novel my cousin bought and I borrowed it. It's gets me hooked ever since. It's like you're drowning in other world. Not that Harry Potter make me believe that there are real sorcerers in this world, but how wonderfully she create a story that great, so the wizardry world seems to be so real..........???

My high school teacher was wrote a historical story too, but seems the blog has been deleted, is the story already been published or what?

It's raining outside now, will go the bank but pending the plan. don't want to get wet........I don't have a car so it's kind a hard riding in the rain.....:D

............

Theme for today is "blue". My mood seems in turbulence, feeling so sad for just a little thing, feeling miserably uncontrollable and my chest seems ready to explode.

People said, don't write in public media when you're angry, sad or disappointed since what might comes are a bad words which sometimes can hurt, either hurting others or hurting yourself. But today I just want to write something to release some burden in my heart.

Sometimes I'm feeling so lonely in this world, that no one cares for what I feel. People will always consider me like a superwoman, supermom, wonderwoman, whatever........But that's not exactly true. Sometimes I missed being just an ordinary girl, who has a vulnerable and weak side, I'm not always as strong as it seems. This kind a problem was already there, sitting on the corner of my heart long time ago. I'm always the one who took care of everything and every problem in my family. My husband doesn't seems to give a dim concern about anything. He only know how to work, earn money, give all the money to me and I handle the rest. Yeah....was it something good, part of it. I know he's a good man, but I just need a little help in running this family, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm sick and no one to replace my role. In any condition I had to deal with everything. GOD I'm really exhausted..............

I want my husband to be someone I can count on when I'm not ready to fight, I need someone stronger that can protect me. I should not the one who always step on the first every time we face a problem. Sometimes I need someone to be the shield for me, where I can hide when I'm afraid.......

Huft.....this blues feeling maybe related to PMS syndrome, it's close to the ETA of the monthly visitor, hahahah but yeah....this kind a thing, this kind a problem always be my biggest problem with my hubby. I was complaining a lot, but as we can't change peoples behavior I tried to accept it. Only that sometimes it still feels hurt. What a life.........this is the life I chosen years ago, no need to feel sorry.......

I need to cry..........now......